Upender with Gopi Kittu

This is the photo taken days before Upender died. Seen in the picture are (L to R) Kittu, Upender, Gopi.

A tale of three friends

'Only in utter darkness that we can see the twinkling stars better'. A paradox that it is, it also conveys, though painingly, that the dark days of our lives make us to see the brighter side of it effortlessly. This tale involves three friends Gopi, Krishna(kittu), Upender, the first two being my borthers and the third our family friend and my brothers' classmate at school.

Upender died of acute leukemia the 24th day of last month. This leaves me with another paradox that God kills early the one who knows the importance of the life and lives every moment. True really, God if exists, must be crazy. This guy was not well-educated, doesn't know the 'urban etiquette', and was a nonsmoker and a teetotaller. He died when at the age of 25. He was an autodriver in my piligrim town Yadagirigutta. All through his life he was jovial and humorous and he used to be so intimate even with those whom he had little acquaintance with. With this kind of an attitude, he was no doubt bound to receive upsets and disappointments. But these did not deter him being the what he was.

Upender and my brothers had been classmates for 3 years in school. He stopped his studies after his polytechnic diploma. Their friendship continued even after we left for Hyderabad. I really doubt if my brothers matched in intimacy with Upender, though they never were passive towards him. He used to rush to our house as soon as he knew that my brothers were there. People from villages and towns become a bit inferior doubting whether their old friends would be the same as before once they leave them for cities. I observed this myself and they are not wrong many times. But if you give even a hint of that old association they become intensely intimate. My brothers were careful enough, and did not allow Upender feel that distance.

Their friendship has a few features that are most visible. I'll try to elaborate them.

'A True Friendship'

The purest and most sacred things in the world, ironically, are more vulnerable to distortion. And its no wonder then people invoke God or Love to back their misdeeds! And give, more often than not, dirty interpretations that suit their own selfish motives. And Friendship, one of the most beautiful manifestations of Love is also fell prey to it. Thanks to the media in general and films in particular (there are exceptions though), the most beautiful 'hue' of the 'Love' rainbow, I fear is losing its sheen. Many friends of Upender who gathered at his untimely funeral recollected why he obstained from tobacco and alcohol. He feared isolation from his best friends - my brothers. Though I too believe taking tobocco, alochol is not as big a crime to isolate your best friends, what we should not miss is Upender's 'sweet' anxiety. And to me this is an extra-ordinary display of true friendship considering his family background (I am sure most of his realtives are alcoholics, not to mention his circle of friends who are mostly autodrivers and daily wage workers). Contrast this to the filmy friendship the difference can hardly be missed! What good is friendship for if it does not instill a few virtues and morals from the other end of the 'bridge' ?(Though extraneous, I would like to mention one guy by name Kartik, to whom I owe a lot on the same grounds)

Ignoring one's family in the name of friends, a common feature today, with a sanctioning from hopeless films, and hailing it as great friendship is totally out of my comprehension. All the realtionships in the world start from the same source - the heart. If it's functioning only occassionally, when one is along with his/her friends, then one has to go for treatment. In my view friends should become your extended family, and not at the cost of your family. Not only my family members but all our close relatives condoled Upender's death. Everyone of them must have been as sad as I was. He was there with our family in almost all the important occassions to help us in one way or the other. He had been more like our family member than a friend of just my brothers.

'Adversity - the test of true friendship'

'Fire is the test for true Gold and adversity for true Friendship' - and Upender always believed that his best two will help him in adversity. Upender's is a love marriage and with this he invited the wrath of all those conservative 'caste advocates', not to mention his own family members. No doubt he had suffered from finanacial problems, but he mentioned to every other person that he would not worry as he was sure of my brothers helping him. And yes within our own limitations my brothers helped him. But his belief is not that superficial one.

Let me tell you its really making my heart heavy now. From the last two days of his life and till he breathed his last, he was with my brothers. Upender complained of stomach ache a week before Diwali. He was admitted in a nearby hospital in Bhongir. We were celebrating Diwali in Hyderabad. My elder brother who is a pharmacist, rarely finds time to be with us. But after a thoroughly tiring schedule of an Audit, he took a break for two days after Diwali. A day after Diwali, Upender's condition became apprehensive so doctors referred him to the Gandhi Hospital in Hyderabd. My brothers were there too to look after him. My younger brother who is an MBA graduate ran from piller to post to get everything - references of doctors we know and of course money. But none knew what is in the offing. None sensed the disaster.

I got the final opportunity to see him here. That's the last time I saw 'the fast bowler', whom I used to give lot of respect to for his gutsy spells on the ground and witty spells off it. So many tests conducted, so many doctors visited but to no avail. After the blood tests revealed Acute Leukemia, my elder brother knew what's in store. Kittu was still hopeful. Doctors at Gandhi asked them to admit Upender in NIMS, which they did. Here his condition deteriorated every hour. The white blood cells increased in alrming numbers and he started bleeding through his nose. As my brothers told me later, blood started clotting in his brain and he complained of severe headache. Kittu massaged his body and head and with tears in his eyes Upender said 'Anna baagundanna atlane raayi' (It's really soothing, please continue Brother!)!

After a few hours Kittu too came to know about the inevitable. He called my father and wept. Upender sensed this and forced Kittu to tell the truth. He asked him to take a vow on their friendship. But my brother lied. As the time progressed very slowly for Upender he started recalling his children. He said 'Pillala meeda Gunjutundanna' (My heart is with my Children Brother!) Unable to breathe properly and unable to bear the headache he told Gopi 'Nuvve edo injection itchi champeyanna'! (Kill me by giving an injection brother!). No one could bluff him when he vomitted all blood and passed blood in urine. My brothers still tried to bluff him. As I type this I still am not able to come to terms with his demise.
The local MLA's wife who happens to be a doctor also was there trying to do what all she could. She said Government can sanction 3 lakh rupees for his hospital expenses. In the mean time, Kittu's philanthropic friend Dayakar was ready to give 1 lakh rupees as and when needed. But the cruel destiny has its own designs. Doctors declared the disease can not be cured and the count down has started. They asked them to take Upender soon so that they can avoid the ordeal of post-mortem. Which they did. They started in an ambulance and my bothers kept an eye on him. And the most dreadful had happened. The enchanting and ever-laughing Upender had to sign off! The DEDH FEET(my brothers used to call him that way as he was a short guy. Dedh meaning one and a half) had cut short his journey too abruptly. The first to know this was Gopi and then Kittu. What Kittu so dearly remember is that he was the last to pour water in his mouth. And Gopi, Upender's final words to him 'Anna nuvvu naa pakkane vundanna, doctor vosthe vosthadu leka pothe ledu'! (I don't need a doctor, you be with me!) , holding his hand.

'He Believed!'

Coming back to his belief in my brothers. Oralce's assistant in Matrix Revolutions asks her a question in the last scene- 'Did you always know?'. Oracle replies 'No I didn't, I did not, But I believed I believed!'. I liked this dialogue so much because as I saw it, you become what you believe. Now I understood that my understanding was limited. Belief is far superior than just to make a life of your liking, but you can also make a demise of your liking! Don't you agree? If not, I'll give one final fact. The day Upender left his mortal body also happens to be the birthday of my brothers!!!(as you know my brothers are twins). Being with the ones you liked the most when you breath your last is a choice every one makes but that has to be so intense as to happen(Upender's mother and brothers were also with him).

This brings me to the final and most important questions. What is the purpose of life? What is real success? For the first question I still couldn't find any answer. But the second one I'll try to answer. No matter if you are not wealthy, no matter if you are not powerful, no matter if you are not known to the most, but if you can love people unconditionally and make them smile during your stay - YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL. Upender lived a 100 years in his 25 ! And what more UPENDER IS ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL OF MEN! UPENDER IS ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL HUMAN!!!

N.B: Feelings know no limits and no language either! But my english has limitations. And I am sure that I am only partly successful in giving a wordy shape to my feelings.

Madhav

My first blog

Tamasoma Jyothirgamaya - meaning a journey 'from darkness to light'. Symbolically it implies that may God help us all by leading from ignorance to the ultimate Truth. I would post what all I could get through many teachers and particularly Sri Sri Ravishankar of Art of Living Foundation.

Jai Gurudev